It’s been well over 50 days since I smoked my last cigarette. I quit cold turkey and without any medication, nicotine gum or self-help-motivational-books. After 10 days I wrote a blog about how hard it was… And honestly, it still is. But, 50 days is reason enough for a celebration and a well deserved pat on the shoulder, don’t you agree?
During these 50 days I had a lot of time to think about smoking and trust me, I did. I yelled and cursed when I wanted to smoke so badly and felt bad about my behavior afterwards. Ofcourse I knew perfectly well how bad it is to smoke and I started wondering why on earth I longed for something that was destroying my body, what is wrong with me? I also had a lot of time to answer my own questions.
Why smoke when you know it’s killing you?
I can only speak for myself but I’d always play down the negatives. “Smoking kills, but so does crossing the street at the wrong moment. My plane could crash. I could fall and break my neck etc. etc. so I’d rather just enjoy life while it lasts. Wíth this cigarette.”
It is this sort of thinking that makes you feel better about being an addict. Actually: It is exactly this sort of thinking that MAKES an addict… That makes ME an addict. And I think that I only fully admitted to myself after I had smoked my last cigarette that that’s what I am: Addicted, an addict. In fact: I will always be, even if I never were to touch another cigarette in my life.
Bye bye denial
For me, this feels like the biggest step. Letting go of denial, take full responsibility and kick myself in the butt every time I find myself wanting to smoke a cigarette. And you know what? I complain a lot about not smoking, but I’m also proud as f*ck for getting this far without losing my motivation! So proud in fact that I **may** have given myself a PS4 as a birthday present 😉
To a 100 days!!!
Photo credits: Pawel86 on Pixabay